Have you ever noticed that you feel confident in some settings but insecure in others? Or a desire to rest but an obligation to stay productive? Have you felt anxious, angry, or numb? Maybe you’ve thought, “part of me wants to do this, but another part of me doesn’t.” These experiences are examples of the different parts of ourselves that reveal themselves throughout our day. Richard Schwartz created a therapy model called Internal Family Systems (IFS) that focuses on exploring these parts and understanding how they were developed. IFS invites us to view our parts through a cultivated curiosity rather than seeing them as bad or broken.
Meet some of your parts: Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles
Schwartz organizes your parts into three separate categories:
Managers: Simply put, managers are parts that prevent painful experiences or bad feelings. You might notice these parts show up as an over-analyzer, perfectionist, inner critic, people pleaser, pessimist, and many others.
For example, you make your life appear perfect so that no one can critique you.
Firefighters: These protective parts respond when painful experiences break through by helping us to feel better quickly. They show up as numbing, addiction, distraction, or rage.
For example, your spouse triggers you, so you scroll your phone after a fight.
Exiles: These are the wounded parts that carry painful feelings, beliefs, or experiences. These feelings might be shame, rejection, loneliness, or low self-esteem. The managers and firefighters are protecting you from accessing or feeling this pain.
You Are More Than Your Parts: Self
At the core of who we are, there is something called “Self.” The IFS Institute defines Self as “a distinct, undamaged, and compassionate core essence that exists within every person.” It encompasses our ability to approach our experiences with calm, curious, and compassionate energy, feeling confident, courageous, clarity, creative, and connected (The 8-Cs of Self). I bet you can think of a time you felt this way, even briefly. Part of the work of IFS is learning to identify Self, trust Self, and to be Self-led. Being aligned with Self allows us to explore our parts effectively.
While IFS is not an explicitly Christian approach, as a person of faith, I believe this idea of Self is what we have access to when we are connected with the Holy Spirit. By God’s abundant grace, we are able to compassionately understand what wounds we carry so that we can heal them and gain access to qualities God intended for us.
How to start noticing your parts
Think of something you’ve been struggling with recently. Lean into what you are feeling (“I feel really anxious.”). Ask yourself if there’s a part of you that feels anxious (Not “I am anxious,” but “there’s a part of me that feels anxious”). Then ask what the part wants you to know and what it is worried would happen if it didn’t do this job. This question can help you understand what it is trying to protect you from. Perhaps examining a part from this curious perspective rather than a judgemental one, can help you start to change your relationship with it. You can also dive deeper into this work with a licensed counselor as you explore the exiles that your parts are protecting. This should always be done within the safety of a therapy room.
Why You Might Want to Explore Internal Family Systems
Maybe you’ve noticed yourself feeling two contradictory feelings about something or you have a big reaction to something that doesn’t feel like yourself. You may experience rage, shame, or notice that you’re using various things to numb your feelings. Or maybe you’re just curious about your parts now that you know you have them. If any of this applies to you, IFS is an accessible approach that might feel helpful to you.
Parts work is not about getting rid of our parts, or feeling shame around parts we don’t like. Rather, it’s about fostering curiosity and compassion to better understand why our parts exist, what they are trying to protect, and what they may need from us.
Haven has several therapists with training in IFS. They’d love to accompany you in your journey of inner-exploration. We invite you to fill out this intake form to take the first step!